Life After the Sweetest Sorrows
by Topcat2
Summary: What happened after the scene faded to black in Such Sweet Sorrow? Find out...
1. Without You

Without You   
After a few moments in Doug's arms, Carol pulled away, But just   
far   
enough to be able to look him in the eye. She could sense that he wasn't   
ready to let go yet anyway. He, like her, was afraid that as soon as she   
moved out of her the circle of his arms, they would wake up and be alone   
once again. "Are you really here?" Doug whispered. Smiling, she nodded   
happily. "For how long?" he asked.   
By the tone of his voice, Carol knew what he was really asking.   
How   
long before she left and he was alone again. She looked up at him and   
whispered, "I was hoping forever."   
Doug looked at her in shock. "You mean... you... the girls..."   
he   
stammered.   
"Yeah," Carol whispered   
"But what about Chicago? And your mom, and, hell, your whole   
life?"   
"You're my life." she whispered. "I didn't realize it 'til   
today, but   
without you there, those things don't mean anything to me."   
So you'll move, all the way out here, for me? Just to be with   
me?"   
"Well, not just for you. Also for me. And the girls. They need   
their   
father, you, in their lives. Neither of us had much of a father growing   
up, and I don't want to repeat that cycle. I want the girls to know you.   
I want you to read them bedtime stories, and teach them how to ride a   
bike, and to help them with their homework, and to interrogate their   
dates. I want you to be, not just their father, bu their dad. We love   
each other, and the girls, so why our making ourselves miserable by   
being apart?"   
"I never told you I was miserable."   
"You didn't have to, I could hear it in every phone call; in   
everything   
you never said, in the longing in your voice, in the stony silences, in   
the strained good-byes. It was always there, for both of us, but I was   
to proud to admit that I wanted to be here. And to scared." she said the   
last part softly.   
"Why were you scared?" Doug asked, already knowing the answer.   
"I was afraid that if I came out here, you, you would go back,   
to how   
you use to be. And this time there'd be no one here to pick up the   
pieces."   
"What made you change your mind?" he asked.   
"A patient came in today, a DNR. But she started to code, and   
she   
hadn't said good-bye to her daughters. I convinced Luka, to bring her   
back. However the woman had been Kerry's patient, and she was pissed.   
Anyway, as they were leaving, the patient's husband came to me and asked   
me if I believed in soul mates. After he left, I realized that you're   
mine. I rushed out of the ER, dropped off the girls, and caught the   
first flight out."   
"What about your stuff, and the girls?" Doug asked.   
"I was hoping that we could go back, together, get them,   
together, take   
care of everything at work and at home, together. Then we could come   
back here, and live happily ever after." she looked up at him as she   
said the last part.   
Burying his face in her hair, he whispered, "That sounds   
perfect."   
Pulling back, he leaned in and kissed her again. And at that moment,   
they both knew they'd finally said forever.

TBC   
So should I continue this series? Feedback, good or bad is   
greatly   
appreciated (even if some of it may not be welcome. Hint, Hint-FLAMES!).

  



	2. Missing You

Missing You

After a few moments the two separated again. Smiling at the most recent events in his life, Doug led Carol up to the house. Going in, he asked, "You want a tour of the house?" Smiling she nodded.   
"First, here's the Living Room," Doug said taking him into the first room off the entry hall. "Then it's the kitchen, and then the Dining Room. Those doors lead to the back porch," he said, pointing to a pair of glass sliding doors. "Then it's the den which I use as an office." Doug said, continuing. "And that brings us back to where we started from, so let's go upstairs," he said leading her by the hand. When they got upstairs, he took her into the first room. "This room and the one across the hall are Guest Rooms." Taking her down the hall, they went into a well- furnished bedroom. This room is my, well, our bedroom. It has it's own bathroom, and the doors between the second guest room and this one are a bathroom and closet, respectively."   
  
Exiting, Carol saw there was one room they hadn't gone into yet and asked, "What about this room?"   
  
Doug grinned, "This room, this one's my favorite."   
Opening the door, he led her in. She was shocked to see that it was a nursery. Along one wall was a crib, a changing table, and in the corner, a rocker. Along the other wall, the same. The walls themselves were painted a very pale pink and had a teddy bear stencil at the top. Between the two chairs was a chest of drawers that Carol knew were already filled with clothes and diapers. On the end of the first crib, Tess's name was inscribed. Along the other, Kate's. There was a window on the east side of the room, which could let in the morning sun, and not be to hot, Carol thought.   
"When did you do all this?" she asked.   
  
"I started the night they were born. I was hoping that you'd… I don't know…"   
  
Carol cut him off by kissing him sweetly. "It's wonderful, thank you." Carol said, kissing him again.   
  
Taking her by the hand, he led her out of the room. "I missed you." He whispered.   
  
"I missed you too, Doug, where are we going?" Carol asked as she was led into their bedroom.   
  
"I'm going to show you how much I missed you."

Laughing, she pulled his head down to kiss him. Making a growling noise deep in his throat, Doug kicked the door shut behind them.   
  


Several hours later, the two finally ventured out of bed and went downstairs to get something to eat. Sitting at the counter in the kitchen they made plans for the next day. Doug had already booked to seats on the first flight to Chicago. Their flight left at 5:30 am (Seattle time), and they would land at 9:30 am (Chicago time). From the airport, they'd got to the hospital and turn in her resignation. They'd also say good-bye to all her co-workers. Then they'd go to her mom's and pick up the girls. From there they'd go to her house and pack her stuff. The next morning they'd catch a flight back to Seattle. What they couldn't take on the plane, they'd have shipped. Carol would talk to Mark about buying the house, as he and Elizabeth had been looking for a place.   
After planning, and eating a late dinner, Doug noticed how tired Carol was. "Hey, you okay?" he asked sweetly.   
  
She smiled. "Yeah, just a little tired. My body is still on Chicago time."   
  
"Well, by all means, let's go to bed."   
  
Carol smiled again. "That sounds good."   
  
Going to her, Doug lifted her into his arms and carried her up the stairs and into their bedroom.   
  


When they landed in Chicago the next morning they went straight to Carol's car, that she had left in Parking the night before. The only luggage they had brought was a bag with a change of clothes for Doug in it. From the airport, they followed the plan and headed straight to the hospital. They got there and parked, and Carol was getting out when she noticed that Doug was making no move to get out.   
"Doug," Carol asked, "are you coming?"   
  
Doug just shrugged.   
  
"Honey? Are you okay?" Carol asked.   
  
"Yeah, I'm, I guess I'm just a little scared. I haven't seen them in almost a year and a half, Carol. It's weird coming back." He said getting out, and making his way to the doors of the ER.   
  
When they got in, Doug went straight to the Lounge, as not to be seen, at least not yet, while Carol went to talk to Kerry. Seeing her at the front desk, Carol went to her and said, "Hey Kerry, I need to talk to you."   
  
"Oh, Carol, I need to talk to you too. You can't just disobey me like you did yesterday. In light of that, you're suspended for a week."   
  
"Kerry, Kerry, I quit."   
  
"Carol, in the workplace…" Kerry stopped dead when she saw Doug come out of the Lounge, get a drink, and go back in. "What is he doing here?" she asked.

Carol sighed, "That's what I was trying to tell you. I quit. I'm moving out to Seattle to be with Doug."

The look on her face was priceless. After a moment, she tried to smile. "Well, if that's what you really want, then I'm happy for you."

"Thank you." Carol whispered. Going in search of Doug, she entered the Lounge to see Doug resting on the couch. Just as Carol was about to ask what he was doing, Mark walked in.

"Hey Carol, where'd you run off to yesterday?" Mark asked, as he fixed his coffee. Taking a sip, he turned around and noticed Doug for the first time. In shock, the coffee spewed from his mouth. "Doug! What… you…" Mark stammered.

"Hey Buddy," Doug said.

"That's where I went yesterday." Carol said.

"So, you just in town for a visit?" Mark asked.

"No. I'm gonna help Carol get everything in order, get the girls, and go home." Doug said smiling.

"Home?"

"Seattle. I'm moving out there with him. We leave tomorrow. The house is yours if you and Elizabeth still want it."

"Wow, sure. I'm gonna miss you, but it's great seeing you so happy." Mark said. "Are you two gonna get married?"

Looking over to Doug, Carol answered, "Soon, yeah. Of course you'll be sent an invitation."

"Yeah buddy, I'm still hoping you'll be my best man." Doug said.

"Of course," Mark said as he was about to say something else the door opened and Luka came in. All three turned as he entered.

Sensing Carol's discomfort, Mark said, "Luka, this is Doug Ross. Doug, Luka Kovac." The two shook hands.

Turning to Carol, Luka said, "So I guess you got your answer?"

Nodding, Carol said, "I'm just here to get my stuff and the girls, and then I'm moving out to Seattle."

Giving her a small smile, he said, "That's great. I'm happy for you."

"Thank you."   
  
  


After talking a few more minutes, Doug and Carol left the Lounge so she could say good-bye to everybody before they left. Of course they'd all get invitations to the wedding, but that was still awhile away.   
  
  


Finally, a half- hour later, they were pulling in to Helen's driveway. Going in, Carol called, "Mom! I'm here to pick up the girls."

Coming in to the room, Helen saw Doug. Carol had filled her in the day before, so she took this as a good sign. "So you'll be going to Seattle?" she asked.

"Yeah. Mom I'm really sorry…" Carol started, but her mother cut her off.

"No honey, I can see that you're happy. Really and truly happy. You need to start your own family now. Just send me a wedding invitation."

"We will. And you can visit, all the time." Carol said.

"Yes, I suppose I will."

Leading Doug into another room a few minutes later, Carol asked him if he was ready to meet his daughters. He nodded nervously. Handing him the first baby, she said, "Doug that's Tess. Tess this is your daddy."

Taking her in his arms, he cradled the baby to his chest, and whispered, "Hey kiddo, I'm sorry it took me so long to do this. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I swear, I will never not be there again. I swear."

After a few minuets of bonding, Carol took Tess from him and handed him Kate. "Doug this is Kate. Kate this is your daddy."

Much like with her sister, he cradled her to his chest and whispered, "Hey punkin, like I told your sister, I am so sorry, but I'll never leave you guys or mommy again. You guys are my whole life, and I love you so much."

Carol smiled at the nicknames Doug already had for the girls. She knew that they were stuck with them now. Kiddo and Punkin. Their two girls.   
  


The next day, Doug and Carol walked hand-in- hand, each carrying a baby, over the threshold of their new home. Wrapping his arm around Carol, Doug leaned into her and whispered, "Welcome home love." Kissing her softly on the lips, he closed the doors behind them. The one to the house and to their past. They had a whole new future ahead of them, and a whole lot of possibilities. And they were going to face it together. Who knew what was in store for them. One thing the two of them did know though, was that the best was ready to begin   
  


Coming Soon: Doug and Carol settle into their new lives   
Wedding plans are made   



	3. Knowing You

Knowing You

  
It's a week later. Doug has taken vacation from work for a few days to help Carol and the girls get settled in. Since Doug already had enough furniture, the only things Carol had brought were her clothes and items that had sentimental value. Already the house had her items spread out, pictures in frames on the walls and tables, clothes in the closet next to Doug's, makeup spread along the bathroom counter. The girls had already adapted to their new environment, and Tess was already becoming a Daddy's girl.   
Carol, however, was not as ready. It still wasn't quite home to her, and she knew something was missing, but what it was she did not know. She missed her mom, and her friends from work, and even work. Doug sensed this.   
"Hey Carol?" Doug asked, brushing his teeth, while Carol was in the shower and the girls were still asleep.

"Yeah?" Carol called

"Have you thought about going back to work?"

"Yeah, and I'm going to. I mean I love the girls, but I can't be housewife."

"Well, if you want to work with me, I can set up a meeting, and when you get the job, you can start after the wedding."

"Okay. I sent out the invitations yesterday. It's in two weeks from today."

"Okay. I talked to the priest. He can do it. Are you sure you want to do it in the yard?"

"Yeah. We can show off where we live, as we know their going to be visiting a lot, well, some of them anyway. And, we can have the reception here." Carol said as she got out of the shower.

"Did you use the guest list we agreed on?"

"Yeah, I'm just hoping they'll all come. It's been awhile since we've seen some of them."

Don't worry, they'll all be here." Doug said as they started downstairs.

(The Guest List:   
1.Mark   
2.Helen   
3.Elizabeth   
4.Susan   
5.Carter   
6.Anna   
7.Peter   
8.Luka   
9.Lydia   
10.Haleh   
11.Lily   
12.Malik   
13.Chuney   
14.Doug's mom   
15.Cleo   
16.Abby   
17.Dave   
18.Kerry   
19.Maggie   
20.Deb   
21.Jeannie   
22.Lynette   
23.Randi   
24.Wendy   
25.Connie   
26.Yosh   
27.Tess   
28.Kate   
29.Carol (DUH)   
30.Doug" ")   
  


A few hours later, Doug hung up the phone, turned to Carol and said, "You have a meeting with the Chief of Staff in one hour. He's new and I've never met him."

"Will you and the girls come, you know for moral support?"

"Of course."   
  


Forty minuets later, Doug and Carol walked into the ER entrance of Seattle Memorial County Hospital. Doug was carrying both of the girls' carriers. As they came in, several Docs and nurses turned and said Hello to Doug. Doug quickly introduced his friends to Carol and the girls and they made their way up to the 12th floor, where the Chief of Staff's office was.   
They sat in the waiting room for about 15 minuets before the receptionist called Carol's name. Doug and the girls stayed to wait while Carol made her way to the Chief's office. Going in she was about to introduce herself when she stopped. It couldn't be him. But it was.

"Carol! When I saw you're name I could hardly believe it! What happened to Chicago?" Tag asked coming around the desk to give her a kiss on the cheek.

Pulling away Carol looked up at him and said, "I quit. My fiancée works here and he set up the interview for me. After we get married, we're going to be living out here."

"It'll be great working with you again. I have to admit, I've thought a lot about what might have been over the last six years."

"Well, Tag, don't get your hopes up, because I haven't. I am engaged to a wonderful man. He loves me, and I love him, he supports my decisions, he doesn't push. He's there for me, no matter what. He's the father of my children. And he's my soul-mate." Carol said, reminding herself of her conversation with Luka.

"Wow. Kids, huh?"

"Yeah. Twin girls. They're six months old." She said taking out a picture to show him. "That's Tess on the right, and Kate on the left."

"They're beautiful. You must be engaged to a great guy. I mean, the Hathaway twins, they must be a handful."

"Their last name is Ross."

"Ross? Doug Ross?"

"Yeah."

"You're going to marry Doug Ross after all he put you through?"

"Doug's changed, Tag. He's become the guy I always knew he could be. The one that was buried deep inside, that only I had ever seen."

"Well, I'm happy for you. And you've got the job. I know your work, I trust you."

"Thank you Tag." Carol said as she turned to go.

"Yeah. And Carol," Tag called.

"Yeah?"

"Good Luck"   
  


On the way home, Carol told Doug about her interview. He was surprised that Tag was Chief. After they got home they had dinner and put the girls to bed. Then after they watched a movie, they headed up to bed themselves. As they were getting into bed Doug turned to Carol, and asked "Carol, do you ever wonder what it might have been like if you had married Tag?"

Carol understood what he was really asking, Are you ever sorry that you got back together with me? She smiled at him and said, "Doug, I have regrets. But you aren't one of them. The only thing I regret about getting back together with you is that it took me so long to do it. I love you, so much. Surely you know that?" Carol asked climbing in to bed.

Climbing in beside her Doug said, "I don't know a lot of things, but I do know that, yes. I guess I'm just worried about what's in store for us. I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"Fucking up again. I don't want to lose you Carol. Not again. I told Mark once that I couldn't imagine my life without you. But now I've lived it, and I hated it Carol. I can't do it again. For three years I've been holding my breath, waiting for something to happen. Waiting to lose you."

"Doug, we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. We just have to live life to it's fullest. You are not going to lose me. We are getting married in two weeks, and you better be damn sure this is what you want, because I'm not going to let you go again. We just have to take the hand we're dealt, and wish ourselves luck. But I can tell you now, I love, I'm in love with you, and I'm always going to love you. And I'll always be here for you. Whatever road you may travel in life, I will always be right behind you."

Reassured, Doug took Carol in his arms and said, "Not behind me. Beside me."

Carol smiled. "Beside you."

Closing his eyes, Doug whispered, "Goodnight Carol. I love you."

Following suit, Carol whispered back, "Goodnight Doug. I love you too."   
And in the back of her mind she could still hear Tag whispering "Good Luck".   
  
  
  
  


Coming Soon: THE WEDDING!!!   



	4. Loving You

**Loving You**   
** Authors Note: This is dedicated to my Alex, Marie, Andy, Tyler, Jo(ey), and Keegan, who don't know how useful their names can actually be. Ashley, Alexis, Andy, Tyler, Amy, Keegan, you guys are the best and you have my deepest and heartiest thanks.**   
** The songs used in this story are "I Love the Way you Love Me" by Boyzone and "When You say Nothing At All" by Allison Krauss.**   
** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**   
** It's almost two weeks later and Doug and Carol's wedding is in two days. Both Sarah and Helen have arrived to help with last minute planning and are staying with the couple. All of their friends from Chicago would be flying in that morning and they would meet them at the airport. At 9:45, Carol's sisters Alexis, who went by Alex, and Marie, would arrive on the same train as Susan, and Doug would pick them up and take them to the house where everyone else would already be.**   
** They had come up with the Wedding Party and Final Guest List, which looked like this:**

** Groom: Douglas Ross**   
**Bride: Carol Hathaway**   
** Best Man: Mark Greene**   
**Maid of Honor: Elizabeth Corday**   
**Men in Waiting: Peter Benton, John Carter**   
** Bridesmaids: Susan Lewis, Anna Del Amico, Jeanie Boulet**   
**Ring Bearer: Reese Benton**   
**Flower Girl: Rachel Greene**   


**The other guests were: Helen, who would give Carol away, Sarah, Luka, Lydia, Haleh, Lily, Malik, Chuney, Cleo, Abby, Dave, Kerry, Maggie, Deb, Lynette, Randi, Wendy, Connie, Yosh, Alex, her husband Riley, their sons Tyler and Andy, Marie, her husband Troy, their daughter Joey, and son Keegan.**   
** Though they were still going to be married at home, when they were finished, they would get into a limo and go on to the reception, which would be held at a French restraunt in downtown Seattle.**

** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**   
**At 7:33 Doug and Carol watched as the plane with all their Chicago friends landed. Rushing to the gate, they waited for someone to come down the terminal. Finally, what seemed like hours later, they saw Peter, carrying Reese, coming towards them. Behind him were Mark and Rachel, who were followed by the rest of the gang. Now the only ones missing were Susan and Carol's sisters, and their families. Doug would pick them up at the train station at 9:45, which gave them just enough time to show the others to their hotel, check-in, and go out to the house.**   
** An hour later, everyone was just pulling up to the house. Only stopping long enough to drop Carol off, Doug turned around and made his way to the train station. Luckily for him, all 8 of them were arriving on the same train, and he quickly made his way to where their train would pull in. About a minute after he arrived the train pulled in. Watching the people mill around him, he searched for a familiar face. Just then he heard his name being called.**   
** "Doug!" Susan yelled. Running over to him she wrapped her arms around him and said," I was shocked when I received the wedding invitation. Doug Ross to marry Carol Hathaway. I was shocked you were even getting married, much less to Carol."**

**"Well, things change."**

**"Not that much. You two belong together. It's about damn time that you two got married."**

**Chuckling, Doug was about to say something when he saw two women with dark curly hair looking bewilderedly around, as if looking for someone. Going over to them he asked, "Are you two Alex and Marie?"**

** Turning quickly the two of looked at him, but soon relaxed. "You must be Doug. Yeah, I'm Alex and this is Marie." The taller one said, gesturing to the woman beside her. "Our husbands and kids will be along in a moment, they're just getting our bags."**

** "Well, as soon as they get here, I'll take you guys and her, " he said pointing at Susan, "to your hotel, where you can drop off your stuff, and then we can go out to the house." Doug said, just as Riley and Troy came over, carrying suitcases, followed by two boys, obviously twins, who looked about seven. Coming up behind them was a girl about thirteen. She was carrying a baby that was wrapped in a blue blanket.**

** Smiling at Riley, Alex introduced her family to Doug. "Doug, this is my husband Riley, and these two ratlings are our sons, Andy and Tyler. Boys, this is the guy who Aunt Carol is going to marry."**

** Shaking hands with Riley, Doug said to the boys, "So, how old are you two?"**

** "We're seven." Andy said proudly, speaking for the both of them. "Are you Tess and Kate's daddy?" Tyler asked bluntly.**

** "Tyler!" Alex said, surprised.**

** Doug just laughed though. "Yes I am. Have you met them?"**

** Andy shook his head. "No, but Aunt Carol sent us pictures."**

** Doug laughed at the boys' enthusiasm and turned to Marie. Marie smiled, obviously used to her nephews' antics, and said, "Doug, this is my husband, Troy, and that's our daughter Joey and our son Keegan."**

** "Nice to meet you," he said, shaking Troy's hand. Turning to Joey he said, at an obvious loss for words, "So, how 'bout them Cubbies?"**

** Joey laughed. " Man, the Cubs suck." She said bluntly, a statement of facts. "If you want a team that actually wins, root for the Yankees."**

** Doug laughed. He knew he was going to like this one. She had an obvious knowledge of sports, and obviously, a bit of a mouth. His kind of person.**

** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

** An hour later, they were just pulling up to the house. As soon as she saw the car pull in to the drive, Carol was out the door and running down to meet them. Before the Jeep had come to a complete stop, the twins had already jumped out and were running to Carol, yelling, "Aunt Carol! Aunt Carol!"**

** Laughing she gathered them up in her arms and hugged them close to her. "Hey guys! What's up?"**

** But they had caught a glimpse of the lake and were running around to the back. Marie saw this and yelled after them, "Boys, be careful! Don't get to close to the water."**

** With this, the four women started chatting endlessly, and made their way up to the house. The men were left standing there, and Troy muttered under his breath, "Huh, women." Doug and Riley both started to chuckle. Making their way down to the dock, watching the boys play, the three guys made conversation, knowing that if they went in to the house, they would surrounded by women. Mark, Peter, Carter, and Dave soon joined them. Their topics ranged from sports, to Chicago happenings, to Kerry Weaver. Doug hit it off with Dave immediately, finding they had a lot in common. For one, both hated Kerry Weaver, and Doug laughed at Dave's nickname of 'Festus.'**   


** The next day was filled with plans for the wedding and getting to know their friends, old and new. Anna had arrived the next morning and her and Carter had fallen back into their old camaraderie. This may have had to do with the news that Anna would be returning to County in a month as Pedes Attending, after Doug had called her after he left and strongly urged her to go and take his place, knowing she would keep his dream of a successful Pedes ER alive. It also might have had something to do with the news that Anna had finally come to her senses and dumped Max.**

** But, before they knew it, the wedding had arrived. It was going to start at 10:00 am and both the bride and groom were up early. Since Doug had spent the night at a hotel so he wouldn't see Carol before the wedding, he drove out with the rest at 9:00, so they would all get there on time. Both were anxious to finally do this, and before he knew it Doug was standing at the altar. When the music started, he looked to see the wedding party start up the aisle. His breath caught when he saw Carol. She looked beautiful. When she reached him, they joined hands and turned to the priest. Knowing she was nervous, Doug gave her hands a reassuring squeeze.**

** "Friends, family, we are gathered here today to witness the joining of Doug Ross and Carol Hathaway in holy matrimony. Now they have decided to write their own vows, so Doug, you'll go first." the priest said.**

** Doug smiled nervously, taking a moment to compose himself, or he was afraid that he would burst into tears at any moment. "Carol, god I love you so much. For three years I've been waiting for this. All my life, I've been waiting for this moment. I knew from the moment that I first saw you that I loved you. But we haven't had it easy. You'll never know the pain I felt when I saw you wheeled into the ER, barely clinging to life. Or how crushed I was when you were going to marry Tag. Or the sadness when you kissed Powell. But I hope you know the joy I felt when you didn't marry Tag, when you said you'd marry me, when you told me you were pregnant, when you showed up here, ready to finally do this. It still seems so unreal. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I watch you sleep, and I have to reach out and touch you just to make sure you're really there. And sometimes I wonder if you really know how much I love you. Do you notice my breath catch in my throat, every time your hand brushes against mine? Do you notice the way I look at you every morning you wake up beside me? Do you see my eyes well up every time I watch you cradling one of our daughters? No, you probably don't. You don't know how terrified I am of losing you again. How it scares me to know that you may not wake you next to me tomorrow. But a wise person once told me that we just have to live life to the fullest. And I know that you still have your doubts, but let me reassure you now—I'm still holding on I've screwed up in the past, but for some reason, you've taken me back, again and again. You deserve so much better, but you settled for me. So I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Cause, this is the first day of the rest of my life, and I'm not letting go of you again. For some reason, which scares me half to death, I can't stop loving you."**

** By the time he reached the end Carol and almost all the female guests were in tears. Now it was Carol's turn. "Doug," she paused and then said, laughing through her tears, "God, I have to go have to after that?" She then continued, "Doug, you had me at hello. Since the day I met you I've been in love with you. And no matter what we go through in life, let me see you through. Cause, I've seen the dark side too. Nothing you say or confess could ever make me love you any less. I'm gonna stand by you. I'm always gonna love you. I'll never desert you. I'm done running. We've finally reached the point in our lives where there is nothing left to say. You don't have to. I can see whatever you're thinking, feeling, by the way you look at me. And I know you're afraid of screwing up again, so am I. And we've both messed up big time in the past. But I think the mistake we could make is not doing this. But we've made it. We overcame everything, and came out on top. We're done being lonely, our lives have finally begun."**   
** Turning to the priest, they were ready to continue. Even the priest was a little emotional and had to pause to collect himself. "Alright. Dou you Douglas Ross, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"**

** Doug paused, then said softly, "I do."**

** "And do you, Carol Hathaway, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"**

** "I do."**

** "The rings," the priest said, and Mark handed Doug the ring, which he slid onto Carol's finger. Elizabeth did the same, and Carol slid onto Doug's finger. "Then by the power invested in me by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride." Taking Carol in his arms, Doug covered her lips with his own and kissed her soundly and sweetly.**   
  


** "May I be the first to present to you Dr. and Mrs. Doug Ross!" Mark called as the two entered the reception hall. Cheering could be heard from around the room. Continuing into the room with arms around each other, the couple received their friends and families congratulations.**   
** Soon, everyone was eating and chatting happily, when Mark, who was sitting next to Doug, who still had his arm around his new bride, stood up and tapped his glass with his fork. "Can I have everyone's attention. As best man, it's tradition that I make a speech, so here goes. I have to admit there was a part of me who personally never thought this day would actually arrive. But, the rest of me knew this day would come, because the two of you never seem to last long anywhere but together. From the day you met, the two of you have had a passion between you. An air of doomed love. But you two have overcome the odds and surpassed anything any of us ever expected from you. Few people ever find this kind of love in life. Few find their soulmate; the one person put on Earth just for them. And I can't think of two better friends who deserve it more than you do. So now, all we can do is wish you luck with words of wisdom. Doug, you've always been like a brother to me, and have been my best friend for going on 15 years. Over this time, I've seen you so low, even I didn't think you could pick yourself back up, but you were always one for suprises. When I first met you, you were like a little kid. A whirlwind, never staying in one place for long. And you were unhappy. But I can see the change in you. You're finally happy. You've joined us grownups. Congratulations Buddy, you've earned this. Carol you were always a wonderful friend. Someone to depend on, a shoulder to cry on, a person who was never too busy to just stop and listen. If there is one thing you are it's completely selfless, and we will all miss you. But it's time you started thinking of yourself and did what made you happy. We will all miss you both very much, but we'll visit, as will you, and you've left a little of yourselves behind, that we'll hold close to us and keep you in our hearts. So we say to you, take care of each other. I know whatever you do in life, as long as you're together, you'll succeed. So I wish you the best of luck. I can't wait to see what you do for an encore. And in closing, I just have to say, it's about damn time!" With this Mark sat down, and the crowd applauded, laughed, and cheered in agreement.**

** A while later the DJ announced, "The bride and groom will now have their first dance."**

** As Doug led Carol out onto the floor, the music started to play. Taking her in his arms, the started to sway slowly to the song.**

**_It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart_**   
**_Without saying a word you can light up the dark_**   
**_Try as I may I could never explain_**   
**_What I hear when you don't say a thing_**

**Doug smiled as he recognized the song. Pulling Carol closer, he whispered, "I love you."**

**_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_**   
**_There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me_**   
**_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall_**   
**_You say it best when you say nothing at all_**

**Carol also smiled, realizing that they were playing their song. It seemed somehow, appropriate. Whispering back she said, "I love you too. I love you forever."**

**_All day long I can hear people talking out loud_**   
**_But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd_**   
**_Old Mr. Webster could never define_**   
**_What's being said between your heart and mine_**

**Doug smiled and kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger there for a moment before pulling away.**

**_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_**   
**_There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me_**   
**_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall_**   
**_You say it best when you say nothing at all_**

**Carol just leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder.**

**_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_**   
**_There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me_**   
**_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall_**   
**_You say it best when you say nothing at all_**

**When the song finished, a new one started and other couples came out to the floor. Marie danced with Troy. Alex with Riley. Anna and Carter danced. Peter and Cleo. Mark and Elizabeth. Joey danced with Andy, her cousin often stepping on her feet. Helen danced with Tyler, smiling at how bad her grandson was. Dave danced with Deb, holding her oddly close. Suprisingly Kerry and Luka danced. Sarah danced with Howard. All three babies were asleep in the corner, with Haleh only a little ways away. Susan, Chuney, and Abby were all dancing with members of the band.**

**_I like the feel_**   
**_of your name on my lips_**   
**_And I like the sound_**   
**_of your sweet gentle kiss_**   
**_The way that your fingers_**   
**_run through my hair_**   
**_And how your scent lingers even_**   
**_when you're not there_**   
**_And I like the way your eyes_**   
**_dance when you laugh_**   
**_And how you enjoy_**   
**_your two hour bath_**   
**_And how you convinced me_**   
**_to dance in the rain_**   
**_With everyone watching_**   
**_like we were insane_**

** As Carol looked around, she realized, for the first time in her life, she was completely happy. She was Doug's wife, she was in his arms, their daughter's were sound asleep in the corner, and loved ones surrounded them.**

**_Chorus:_**   
**_But I love the way_**   
**_you love me_**   
**_Strong and wild_**   
**_Slow and easy_**   
**_Heart and soul_**   
**_So completely_**   
**_I Love the way you love me_**

**_I like to imitate ol' Jerry Lee_**   
**_And the cue of your eyes_**   
**_When I'm slightly off key_**   
**_And I like the innocent way_**   
**_that you cry_**   
**_At sappy old movies_**   
**_you've seen hundreds of times_**

**Doug was thinking similar thoughts. Carol was his wife. She would come home to him every night. She was in his arms. His best friends, who were practically his family, were surrounding him, and his daughters were only a few yards away. He had never been happier.**

**_Chorus:_**

**_And I could list a million things_**   
**_I love to like about you_**   
**_But they all come to one reason_**   
**_I could never live without you_**

**_I love the way_**   
**_you love me_**   
**_Strong and wild_**   
**_Slow and easy_**   
**_Heart and soul_**   
**_So completely_**   
**_I love the way you love me_**

**_Oh Baby,_**   
**_I love the way you love me_**

**Looking in each other's happy eyes, they both though the same thing. As extraordinary as this was, as extraordinary as the day was, it was only the beginning of an extraordinary life.**

**Around the them, the band played on.**   
  
  
  


**Okay, that's it! I'm finally done. Sorry to how long it took and how screwed up it is. Please, please send feedback. While I could end the series here, I'm having too much fun playing god of the ER world to stop, so I hope to have the next story done by the time school starts (8/18/00). Again, please send feedback!******

  
Tess Kate 


	5. Needing You

Needing You

Authors Note: This takes place one month after Loving You. Carol has started working at the hospital. The song used in this story is Kiss the Rain by Billie Myers. Also, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ indicates time lapse.

_Hello_   
_Can you hear me?_   
_Am I gettin' through to you?_   
_Hello_   
_Is it late there?_   
_There's a laughter on the line_   
_Are you sure you're there alone?_   
_Cause I'm tryin' to explain_   


2:59am

Carol stared at the flashing numbers on the alarm clock.

3:00am

The phone rang. Carol grabbed it before it woke one of the girls who had only gone to sleep a few hours ago. "Hello?" she asked into the phone.

"Hey Carol, it's me." Tag said into the phone.

"Hi Tag. Do you know, is Doug still there? His shift ended at midnight and he's still not home…"

"Carol."   
  
The tone of his voice stopped her. He sounded tired but stressed. "Tag, what is it?"

"Carol, there's been an accident."

"Tag… Is, was it Doug?" she stumbled nervously, afraid to hear the answer.

"Carol, I am so sorry."

"Is he okay?"

"Carol, you need to get down here."

"But the girls…"

"Bring them with. Ally said she'd watch them."

"I'll be there in 15 minuets."

_Somethin's wrong_   
_Ya just don't sound the same_   
_Why don't you, why don't you_   
_Go outside, go outside_   
_Kiss the rain_   
_Whenever you need me_   


Carol rushed into the ER, one girl in each arm. Ally, a pediatric resident and good friend of Carol's met her at the door to take the twins. She offered Carol a small smile, but her eyes were red.

Carol rushed to the desk and found Tag standing there, waiting for her.

"Tag! Is Doug okay?"

"Carol, after he left work, he started to head home. About half way there, he stopped at a red light. When the light turned green, he started through the intersection. He never even saw the other car."

"What other car?"

"Four teenagers were coming home from a party. The driver's BAL was four times the legal limit. They drove straight in to the drivers side of Doug's Jeep."

"What about Doug?" Carol asked, tears streaming down her face.

"I was down here when he came in. I worked on him, along with Matt and Jenna. It didn't look good."

"Is he…" she couldn't finish the question, terrified of the answer.

"No. No. When he came in, oh god Carol, there was so much blood. His left leg was very badly broken, and a lung had collapsed, causing a rib to apply pressure to his heart. As soon as he was stabilized, we sent him up to surgery. They were able to repair his leg, lung, and move the rib back to it's proper place. But Carol, he is in very critical condition. He's in the SICU. I don't know if he's gonna make it through the night." Tag ended sadly.

"But he has to live Tag. There's still so much he has to do. And I can't raise those girls alone." Carol broke down into sobs, sinking to the floor. Ally came out from her office and wrapped her arms around Carol, rocking her like one would a small child. She whispered comforting words to Carol, while tears ran down her face as well. She had arrived only a few weeks after Doug had, him having hired her. They had become great friends, and she sometimes thought of him as another big brother.

When Carol was slightly calmer several minutes later, Tag told her, "You can go see him if you want. He's still sedated from the surgery, but I know you'll want to be there when he wakes up."

Nodding, Carol, with Ally's help, made her way to the elevator.

_Kiss the rain_   
_Whenever I'm gone, too long._   
_If your lips_   
_Feel lonely and thirsty_   
_Kiss the rain_   
_And wait for the dawn._   
_Keep in mind_   
_We're under the same skies_   
_And the nights_   
_As empty for me, as for you_   
_If ya feel_   
_You can't wait till mornin'___

_Kiss the rain_   
_Kiss the rain_   
_Kiss the rain_

She had taken hundreds of people to SICU in her career, and for the first time she knew what they were feeling. Her husband was in this room, so close to death, yet still clinging on to life. She somehow missed him already. His support, his quiet strength. It was almost like he was already gone.

She had called Mark from downstairs, and he was catching a Redeye to Seattle. Over the phone, his voice had sounded strained, worried. He had tried to comfort, but he was too worried to do much good. Carol understood though. He had just learned that his best friend may be dying, and he might not get to even say goodbye.   


_Hello_   
_Do you miss me?_   
_I hear you say you do_   
_But not the way I'm missin' you_   
_What's new?_   
_How's the weather?_   
_Is it stormy where you are?_   
_Cause I'm so close but it feels like you're so far_   
_Oh would it mean anything_   
_If you knew what I'm left imagining_   
_In my mind, in my mind_   
_Would you go, would you go_   
_Kiss the rain_   


What seemed a moment later, Mark was shaking Carol awake. She had fallen asleep at Doug's bedside, still clasping one of his hands between both of hers. Looking at Mark she saw that his eyes looked tired and were red rimmed.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey."

After that it was silence. Both retreated into their own minds and memories, trying to escape this horrible nightmare. Both remembered times with Doug that no one else knew about. Both remembered the way he laughed, and how the sound was always oddly comforting. Both remembered the way his eyes twinkled, as if knowing some private joke. Both remembered the wedding. Mark, of how nervous Doug had been, how his vows had come out, how he had laughed the entire night, Carol by his side. Carol, of how he had caught her eye coming up the aisle and had smiled reassuringly, how he had held her hands securely as they made their vows. How they had made love that night with a new, sweeter sense of passion.   
Both to upset to comfort the other, the silence continued.   


_And you'd fall over me_   
_Think of me, think of me, think of me, only me_   
_Kiss the rain_   
_Whenever you need me_   
_Kiss the rain_   
_Whenever I'm gone too long_   
_If your lips_   
_Feel hungry and tempted_   
_Kiss the rain and wait for the dawn_   
__

The rain felt good. After several hours by Doug's bedside, Carol had come down to see the girls and get a bit of fresh air. She wasn't sure when the rain had started. It somehow felt right that it rain today. That the sun hide itself. It was as if, maybe God was crying along with her. Miraculously, despite Tag's prediction, Doug had made it through the night, but still hadn't woken up.

Checking her watch, Carol saw that it was half past midnight. Had it been this time yesterday that her world had come crashing down, only to lie in little, unidentifiable pieces at her feet? Sensing someone behind her, she turned to see Mark standing there, looking up at the sky.

"He'll make it Carol. He's strong." He tried to reassure her.

She shook her head and smiled sadly, "He's not that strong Mark. He's just a good fighter."

"And he has so much to fight for. He's the happiest I've ever known him to be. You're his wife, and he has two beautiful daughters. He's not going to just give that up without a fight."

"I miss him, Mark."

"So do I."

He looked as though he was going to say something when the SICU nurse through the door and said, almost excitedly, "Mrs. Ross, come quick!"

A little afraid, Carol asked, "What is it Cassie?"

"It's your husband…"

Not even waiting for her to finish, Carol rushed past her, up the stairs and in to the room she had spent the last day in. Rushing to his bed, she was shocked to see that the tube had been removed from his mouth and he was breathing on his own. Grabbing his hand between hers and whispered to him, "Come on Doug, you've got to wake up. There is still so much you have to do. You have to watch our girls grow up, and help me raise them. I can't do it alone." Resting her head on the edge of the bed she started to sob. "I can't do this without you Doug. I don't think I want to. Every word of my vows was true. I'm gonna love you forever. There's no one for me but you. Don't make me live the rest of my life alone." She pleaded.

Suddenly she felt a hand run through her hair, and a familiar, gravely, voice whisper, "I wouldn't dream of it."

Looking up quickly, she saw him smiling weakly at her. She immediately started to sob again, this time tears of happiness, and buried her face in his chest, with him running one hand through her curls, the other rubbing her back soothingly.   
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

After awhile of being alone, Carol had gone and told Mark, though as soon as he saw the smile on her lips, he knew everything would be okay. They had brought in the girls to see Doug and he held them both for a long time, realizing what he had almost lost.

The doctor had released him to go home later that day, as long as he stayed off his feet and didn't come back to work for at least two weeks. Doug had heartily agreed, as Carol had taken this time off to be with him. Him and Mark had a long talk before Mark had to catch a plane back to Chicago, promising to return as soon as possible. Doug and Carol spent the rest of the time in the SICU talking quietly, coming to terms with the past few days and making plans for the future.

Finally, the doctor okayed Doug's release and they made their way out to the mini van, each carrying a baby. Getting there, they put the girls into the car seats, and climbed into the front. Carol sat there a moment, not starting the van.

"Carol, are you okay?" Doug asked gently.

Kissing him softly, Carol smiled and said, "I am now, but I'm warning you Doug, if you ever do that again…"

Doug laughed a little. "I promise I'll give you warning next time I plan to get hit by four drunk teenagers."

Despite trying not to, Carol laughed a little too. "God Doug, you are going to be the death of me yet."

"Man, I was working on being the life of you. " he said, suddenly serious.

Kissing him again, Carol started the van and said, "You already are."   


_Kiss the rain_   
_Kiss the rain_   
_Kiss the rain_   
_Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Kiss the rain_   
_Hello Can ya hear me? Can ya hear me? Can ya hear me?_   


Well, that's it. I hope to have the next story up by 8/14, cause then school will start and I'll have less time. However, I fully plan to continue with my stories. As always, please send feedback!!!   


COMING SOON: Doug recovers, but is everything what it seems?   



End file.
